tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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