'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
