Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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