So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
