The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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