My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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