There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize