it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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