You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
