I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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