Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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