Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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