She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
