Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
