Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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