Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
