When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
