Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
