And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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