Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i love accidental penises.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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