Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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