I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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