Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
now i know why i became what i already was.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
