Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm both gender and math confused
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
