In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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