So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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