A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
