I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
