How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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