I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
