I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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