No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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