I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
