i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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