Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
