Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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