I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
