it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
