My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
