tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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