If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize