I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
