Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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