I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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