Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
