people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
