Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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