So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
