it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize