A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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