idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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