i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
