can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
