i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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