Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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