god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
