dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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