an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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