if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I believe in your delicious
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
