I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
