I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
