you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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