i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
