when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
wow bdsm is so cute
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
