if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
