just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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