God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
