david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
