What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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