He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
