I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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