No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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