I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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