what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
