Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't deserve a penis
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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