worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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