you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize