I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
