Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
