I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
