Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
