I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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