So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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