Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
