omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
