I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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