just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
