OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize