He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
