oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
