I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
