Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
