They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize