I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
