tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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