and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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