he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
