That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
