i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
