We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
