respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
