I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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