I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what day is it and did you see me today?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize